Best Kept Secret for a Long Lasting, Happy Marriage

Following the wedding ceremony, most cultures encourage dance as a way for the couple to be seen, united in public, for the first time. The Anniversary Song composed by Romanian Iosif Ivanovici in 1880 has been etched in my memory for as long as I can recall. It was the song Jolson and Chaplin presented to the world in the fifties. Jolson wrote the lyrics while Chaplin adapted Ivanovici's music.

Oh, how we danced, on the night we were wed

We vowed our true love, though a word wasn’t said

These lyrics represent my father and mother. This is how I grew up, knowing that my parents were still dancing to the same tune that had played at their wedding. If only it was that easy to sustain a long lasting and happy marriage.

Spending my childhood in a home filled with love that was generated by the special bond between my father and mother, I had the perfect example of what to expect from marriage. It has taken me many years to understand that it is their deep connection to each other that keeps the marriage, not only strong and lasting, but happy.

Lust and Infatuation

It takes some form of passion to ignite a spark and draw two people to each other. But for any relationship to blossom and mature, lust alone will not do the trick. Infatuation may be intense but is usually short lived and sometimes irrational.

Friendship and Communication

Being friends with your partner forms a solid basis for a relationship. Couples that have been together forever, say, well we were friends you know. The gift of friendship cannot be overlooked in marriage. Knowing you can come home at the end of the day and share your world with another human being is priceless.

Trust and Love

Of course, trust and love are absolute essentials. Without them there is no relationship.

Commitment and Security

Commitment may be one of the secrets to a long lasting marriage but that does not guarantee happiness. A partnership of commitment and security are important but the same could be said for a business proposal.

It is the combination of all these factors that keeps two people living happily ever after. But the best kept secret is yet to be revealed. It was written and sung about in the eighties and has been revived in 2010.

Acceptance

Billy Joel said it first in his song, 'Just the Way You Are'. The lyrics were every woman's dream and the men of the day longed for a woman who would reiterate, 'don't go changing, to try and please me.'

Bruno Mars has recently brought out a new take on the beauty of love and acceptance. His song may have the same title, the words are a little different and the beat is certainly in keeping with the rythym of today. The sentiment is the same. Almost as if the song was written fifty years ago, in honour of my father and mother.  

The best kept secret to a long lasting and happy marriage, is all about acceptance. Spending all your time trying to change your partner or perfect those annoying little traits will bring nothing but disappointment. You fell in love with the person in front of you. Staying in love is up to you.

We Always Talk About Things

For my parents, the connection was there from the beginning. What they have done over time, is continue to work on their relationship on a daily basis. Through fifty years this has strengthened their bond and reinforced their commitment to each other. Ask them, what their secret is to a long and happy marriage and they respond almost in unison.

“Oh well, it was not always easy. We’ve had some rough times.”

“So what got you through those rough times?”

“We talked about what was going on, we always talked.”

Copyright © 2010 Karen Wilton